The NewlyWed Game!
by Rinny Angel
Summary: The character's of FF8 are contestants on 'The NewlyWed Game' when it comes to Balamb. Round 3 is finally up! But it's worth the wait~After round three the winners of the game will be revealed! Please R+R!
1. Round 1: The Beginning

**Disclaimer~** ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters ::sighs:: no do I own '_The Newlywed Game'_ but even if either two of these corporations do happen to read this fic (yea right!) I would like to apologize ahead of time J.

**The Newlywed Game:**

# FF8 style…

"OH MY GOD!" Selphie squealed to Rinoa as they sat in the caf eating lunch.

"What's the matter?" Rinoa inquired, slightly annoyed at the harassment to her eardrums. By this time Selphie was on her feet and jumping up and down excitedly.

"It's coming to Balamb! Oh my gosh! This is AWSOME!" 

Rinoa rolled her eyes at her friend and out of sheer morbid curiosity asked "What's coming?"

"THE NEWLYWED GAME!!!" Rinoa's eyes widened and she hopped out of her seat and joined in Selphie's excited behavior. Rinoa and Squall had gotten married three months ago, and Selphie and Irvine were married two weeks after them so the girls were ecstatic about the idea of the show visiting.

As soon as they calmed down, which was about a half hour later, they ran to the closest phone, which happened to be out in the hall near the quad.

"_Riiiiinnnnnnggg…Riiiiinnnnnggg!"_ Selphie impatiently twirled the phone cord around her finger as she waited for the _Newlywed Contestant sign up_ line to get picked up. _'Hello?"_ a voice picked up on the other end.

"HI!" Selphie replied, overly enthusiastically as usual "I'm calling 'cuz you guys are coming to Balamb and we wanna be on your show!"

"Ummm…ok…Why don' t you tell me yours and your spouses names, and a little bit about yourselves."

"OK! Well our names are Selphie and Irvine Kinneas. We're SeeDs from Balamb Garde-" 

"Wait a second! You're SeeDs! Like the legendary SeeDs that saved the world!" the young man on the other end of the phone yelped like a groupie.

"Yep, that was us!"

"I'll make you a deal! If you can get three SeeD couples on then I guarantee you guys a spot!"

**"WOOO HOOO!"** Rinoa fell over from the force of the noise and everyone in Garden was alerted to the sound. "I have three couples no problem!!"

"Ok we just need you to give us their names."

"Myself and Irvy, of course. Rinoa and Squall Leonhart." Selphie heard the faint sound of giddy laughter through the phone "And…umm….and…." Just then Quistis turned the corner, she had only come to see what the source of the loud noise was but she was in for much more "And Quistis and Seifer Almasy!" Selphie stated triumphantly.

"What did you just say?" Quistis asked suspiciously at hearing her name being spoken.

"Wow…this is so great! We can't wait to have you on…Come in tomorrow for filming at noon sharp! Geeze this is soo cool…"

"Selphie, why did you say my name?" Quistis inquired suspiciously of the flounsy brunette.

"Gotta go!" Selphie hastily said into the phone and hung it up while the operator on the other end continued on about how 'awesome it would be to meet the SeeDs'. 

"Why did you say her name?" Rinoa question.

"Oh, nothing too big…" Selphie said trying to inch her way away from Quistis "I simple told them that…" She took a big step backwards "youandSeiferweremarriedandwouldgoonthenewlywedshowtomorrow!" Selphie flinched slightly after she quickly finished her confession.

Quistis' eyes flashed with anger but she didn't move an inch "Selphie," She began slowly and monotonously through clenched teeth "say that again…slower."

Selphie gulped and took a deep breath "I kinda told the people at "The Newlywed Game" that you and Seifer…were…umm…married?"

**"YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!" **Quistis bellowed. Her next comments to Selphie are not appropriate to put in a 'G' rated fic so I shall clean it up a bit "You (silly) (silly) (silly) (girl), that was (not a great idea)! I (strongly disapprove of what you did)! I will kill you! There is no way (on Hyne's green earth) that I would even (adjective)ing think of (advective)ing marrying that (meanie) Seifer!!!!!" After about ten minutes of verbal assaulting, Quistis huffed and puffed irately. **"WHY!"**

"Well, they said we had to have 3 couples…and you just kinda came along!"

"no…" Quistis decided that there was no further need of venting and figured that the spunky brunette could make her do it.

"OooOOOOoo! But you have to do it Quisty!" Rinoa wined! 

"Why?!"

"Cuz if you don't then I'll tell the entire academy about…" Rinoa went over to Quistis and whispered in her ear. Quistis' eyes nearly bugged out of her head and Rinoa let out a giggle. "That's what I thought!"

While they had to resort to blackmail in order to convince Quistis to go along with it, it was much easier to convince the guys. To convince Seifer Selphie simply told him that 'Quistis wanted his hot body' and he got that cocky grin on his face and agreed to be at the television station for 12 on the dot. Irvine didn't need any persuasion, he was more or less wrapped around Selphie's finger, and to get Squall to go Rinoa threatened to pout. 

The Next Day at the Studio….

Rinoa, Squall, Selphie, and Irvine sat happily next to their partners (well…Squall didn't exactly LOOK happy…but he was…trust me!). Seifer sat cockily next to Quistis with his arm draped over her shoulders while she sat scowling with her arms folded across her chest mumbling prophanities. Rinoa and Selphie shot her a warning look and she ceased the cursing but refused to remove her aloof look. Just then the theme music started up and an announcer's voice came on the loud speaker

**Hello and welcome to The Newlywed Game!******The audience clapped politely.**And now, it's time to welcome the host of The Newlywed Game, everyone's favorite GF…BATHAMUT!**The sound of a pin dropping, a cricket churping, and a muffled cough could be heard in the studio as the **Applause** sign glowed. The Announcer cleared his throat and tapped on the microphone. **I'm sorry the microphone must be on the fritz!******He let out a soft fake chuckle******Now, here's your host, everyone's favorite GF…BATHAMUT!**The **Applause**sign once again was lit up only this time the **..or face the wrath of** **Bathamut** sign blinked on beneath it. The studio audience, scared out of their wits, hopped out of their seats and gave him a standing ovation.

Bathamut came jogging out onto the stage dressed in a nice sports coat and with fake humility shrugged off the audience's reaction. "Alright folks, let's meet our contestants for today's game!" The large GF walked over to Selphie and Irvine first and flipped through his note cards. "Why don't you introduce yourselves?"

"I'm Selphie Kinneas…"

"…and I'm Irvine Kinneas." Irvine winked into the camera, which warranted a small unnoticeable kick from Selphie.

"Now, from what I understand, you are all SeeDs from the world renowned Balamb Garden?" the audience cheered and the group onstage blushed.

"Yes, yes we are." Selphie replied.

"That's great!" Bathamut moved down to Rinoa and Squall "And who is this lovely couple?"

"I'm Commander Squall Leonhart, and this is my wife Rinoa." Rinoa smiled and lightly hugged Squall's arm.

"Congratulations!" Bathamut exclaimed insincerely. "Isn't that ironic… A sorceress, and the Commander of Seed!" Squall shot the GF a look that could kill and, taking the hint, the host moved down to Quistis and Seifer.

"Tell the audience at home about yourselves." Bathamut tilted the mic toward the two and Seifer immediately snatched it from him.

"I'm Seifer Almasy and this is my little love-slave Quistis." Seifer's famous smirk crossed his face while Quistis contemplated smacking him. Grabbing the microphone back from Seifer he leaned towards Quistis.

"Heh heh…what do you have to say about that Mrs. Almasy?"

"Trepe!" Quistis retorted "It's not Almasy! My last name is Trepe!"

"Oh, I see, a bit of a feminist aren't we? Got a lively one there now don't you?" Bathamut joked to Seifer.

"Oh yea!" Seifer squeezed Quistis close against his body and she squirmed to resist but found it futile and gave up.

"Now that we've got the introductions taken care of, let's start the show!" the crowd and contestants clapped. "Alright husbands, we'll see you all later. Please step into the back room while I talk to your lovely wives." Quistis let out a sigh of relief as Seifer let her out of his death-grip. "Alright, girls, please pick up the pieces of cue cards and markers. You'll write the answers to the questions I'm going to ask you on these." The girls got the materials and waited excitedly for the first question (well, 2 of them were excited… one was perturbed). 

"Ok! First question: 'What is your husband's favorite movie?'" After a short pause to allow them to write their answers he continued "Next question: 'If you were a type of food, what kind of food would you're husband say you were?' Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis all snickered in unison "Alright and third question: 'What is the most romantic place you're husband would think to take you?'" After a few seconds Bathamut turned to face the camera "We'll be back with the guys to see how the first round plays out after a message from our sponsors.

A message from Herbal Memory ™ played, trying to convince those with GF induced memory loss to remember their name. Soon the theme music started up again and the guys were back with their partners. 

"The couples will get 10 points for every correct answer. Starting with you, Irvine. What is your favorite movie?"

Irvine chuckled to himself and shook his head at his own little private joke before answering "Why that would be **'Cowboys of Centra'**" He sat back in his seat looking quite confident, not noticing the irritated look on Selphie's face.

"And you answer was?" Selphie flipped her cue card to reveal the words 'Our wedding video!'written on it.

"Irvy!" she whined, "You said that it was your favorite video ever!!"

"No, no!" Irvine replied throwing up his hands in defense "I said our wedding NIGHT video was my favorite ever!" Selphie blushed and tried to hide behind her cue card, Irvine tried not to laugh, Rinoa and Squall exchanged amused looks, Seifer hooted a note of approval to Irvine, and Quistis simple shook her head.

"Squall? What's your answer?" Bathamut had left Irvine and Selphie to work out that last comment.

"That's an easy one **'Secrets of the art of Gunblade fighting'**" Rinoa dawned a hopeful look and flipped over her sign, which read '**His Gunblade video**'. Bathamut looked offstage toward the judges and nodded

"Yes, we will except that!" Rinoa hugged Squall excitedly nearly cutting off circulation.

"Mr. Almasy?" 

"** 'The Sorceress and her Knight'**" Quistis let out a 'that-figures' noise and flipped over her card which said just that.

"You're just full of surprises aren't you Seifer?" Quistis stated sarcastically. She was taken by surprise when Seifer kissed her and replied, "Why yes I am!" Quistis sat there wide-eyes with full shock written on her face.

Going back to Selphie and Irvine (who was rubbing his arm) "If you're wife was a food, what would she be?"

Trying to make up for his first answer Irvine replied, "Candy. Cuz she's just so sweet." The crowd let out a rendition of "aww's" and Selphie flipped her card to reveal the same answer. Feeling he had redeemed himself, Irvine opened his arms for a hug and puckered up for a kiss. Selphie simply took his hat and bounced happily. 

"Squall, same question."

"Chocolate. Because she's sweet, and addicting" The crowd now let out a few 'ooooh's'. Rinoa flipped her card revealing the same answer and once again gave Squall a practically suffocating hug. He was beginning to wonder if it would be less hazardous to give the wrong answer. 

"Mr. Almasy?"

"Ice-cream." He replied "'Cuz she's cold, and fun to lick!" Quistis, still shocked from the kiss, merely blinked twice and didn't move. Seifer picked up and flipped over the sign for her.

"I'm just such a great kisser she goes into shock after each kiss, you should see her during se--" Quistis regained enough control over her body to reach over and smack him before he could finish his sentence. She then went back to shock and blinked. Rubbing his cheek Seifer held up the sign which read: 'He'll probably say something like 'ice' or 'ice-cream' …the cocky !@#$%^…'

Adjusting his coat Bathamut signaled for Seifer to put the sign down "We would like to take this opportunity to remind our contestants that swearing isn't appropriate on our show." Rinoa, Squall, Selphie, and Irvine all laughed. "Last question: where is the most romantic place you would take your wife?"

"To bed!" Irvine blurted out chuckling, immediately regretting it as Selphie beat him over the head with her cue card which read 'The stage In the quad'. A little scared, Bathamut moved onto Squall and Rinoa.

"The flower field?" Squall replied hesitantly. Rinoa revealed her identical answer, and Squall flinched a little anticipating a power-hug. Instead she kissed him full on the lips leaving him with a goofy smile on his face. 

"Ok Almasys, you have a chance to tie the Leonharts if you get this question correct."

"I'm gunna go with the idiot cowboy over there and say, the bedroom." Quistis shook her head and finally snapped out of it, but was still a little confused. She flipped over her last cue card which had 'Knowing him, the bedroom is probably the most romantic place HE can think of!' 

"That's correct!" the audience once again clapped politely as the sign commanded. "That's the end of round one, and the Almasys and Leonharts are tied for the lead! Now, I'm sorry ladies but we'll have to ask you to leave so we can speak to your husbands." Selphie and Rinoa got up and started to leave. Quistis finally realized what Seifer just said and jumped up furiously to attack him. Luckily Rinoa and Selphie managed to pry her away and drag her back stage.

Straightening his coat Seifer cleared his throat "She's a real tom-cat in bed." In the background violent scuffeling can be heard and suddenly a small black boot goes flying past Seifer's head, narrowly missing him. "Quistis! That was my shoe!" Not knowing what else to do the cameraman cut to commercial while Quistis was properly talked down and sedated.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**~ Ok then, I hope you guys liked round 1! I figured I was in a hyper mood and I might as well try to write out this idea that I had. Tell, me what you guys think! Do you want me to write round two? If you have any suggestions for it I'm all ears! Please review!


	2. Round 2: The Middle

**Disclaimer~** ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters ::sighs:: no do I own '_The Newlywed Game'_ but even if either two of these corporations do happen to read this fic (yea right!) I would like to apologize ahead of time J.

**Author's Note~** hey everyone! I actually tried to get this round up yesterday, but for some reason my computer didn't like me…and then the internet was against me…all in all it was a not so good experience **:**p! Anywho~ on to round two! Send me any suggestions you guys have, I'd love to hear 'em!

**The Newlywed Game: Round 2**

**FF8 style…**

** **

** **

Theme music intro and Bathamut with the guys are on stage.

"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game! In round two we will ask the husbands some question and we'll record the answers. Twenty-five points will be awarded for each correct answer. Now, onto the game!" The audience cheers…still fearing for their lives as the 'sign' blinks. "Alright, Irvine, first question: What would you describe your wife's cooking as? A) Fine cuisine B) fast-food C) Burnt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) Wait a second…she cooks?"

Smiling mischievously (and not catching onto the fact that he will already be sleeping on the couch for a month) Irvine spoke up "That would be C!" Bathamut looked at him curiously mumbling under his breath something which sounded like 'suicidal moron' and moved onto Squall.

"Same question, A) Fine cuisine B) fast-food C) Burnt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait a second…she cooks?"

"Wait a second…since when did Rinoa cook?" Bathamut was about to open his mouth when Squall realized what he had said and hastily corrected himself"NO! A) Fine cuisine! I mean…whatever…"

"Seifer." The GF addressed the next 'husband' in line for questioning.

"...puberty boy…"

"Umm…what?" The confused GF inquired.

"…." Was the only response Squall provided.

"Oh, nothing…" Seifer replied in as innocent a voice he could conjure up. If looks could kill, the look Squall was giving Seifer could have been used to enforce the death penalty.

"Would, you like me to repeat the choices?"

"No, I choose A" The entire audience was a little take back by this answer, but thought it safer to keep quiet (after all, it's generally a bad idea to tick off someone involved with 3 evil sorceress, and can use a large pointy object for mass destruction).

"Umm…Question 2: What is the strangest place that you ever made "whoopee"?"

Irvine giggled inwardly "Heh heh… Squall's office desk." 

"WHAT?!?!" Needless to say, Squall wasn't exactly too pleased to discover that his cowboy friend and Selphie had, well, done 'it', on the same desk he worked at everyday. It's not one of those thoughts you look back on and smile; actually it's probably one of those thoughts one usually brings up when speaking to one's psychiatrist. 

Bathamut decided it was time for him to step in when he noticed Squall's hand inching toward his hip where his gunblade usually was (thankfully, the security guys confiscated all weapons before the contestants were allowed out on stage). "Now Squall, what's you're answer?"

Squall looked down and mumbled under his breath.

"Could you repeat that?"

"…"

"I can't give you credit for an answer if we can't record it." The GF was trying to sound 'cute' and was failing miserably.

"…my office on the desk…" Irvine got a look on his face like he had just had and epiphany, and leaned over to talk to Squall.

"Heya, Squall, when exactly did you and the Misses, ya know, get happy on the table?"

Squall stared at Irvine in utter disbelief that the cowboy would actually consider talking to him so soon after admitting to defiling his workspace, never mind actually trying to discuss the matter with him. After a few seconds of consideration Squall shook his head "You are one sick, and twisted man, you know that?"

"So…was it before or after the 10th? Cuz…well, that would just be gross if we did it bef-" Irvine was (thankfully) cut off as Squall's hand 'slipped' and hit him upside the head. Irvine retreated back to his seat and rubbed the bruise, which was already forming, on his head.

Trying not to laugh at the irony Bathamut coughed into his hand and walked up to Seifer "Same question, where did you make wacky whoopee."

"Oh...umm…" Seifer scratched the back of his neck in thought, trying to keep a cool exterior. 

"Oh come now Mr. Almasy...I'm sure you must have quite the answer for this one!"

Seifer's eyes lit up "Well, I guess the best answer would have to be, on the desk in Squall's office." He smiled smugly and Squall threw his hands up in annoyance.

"Last question boys: What word best describes your wife's body? A) Voluptuous B) Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?" Immediately expecting vulgar remarks as soon as he finished reading the question, Bathamut looked offstage to the producer and pointed to the infamous 'sign'. But before any further threats (or promises) could be made Irvine spoke up.

"That's an easy one!" Bathamut, Squall, Seifer, and the audience all flinched waiting for the cowboy to give yet another stupid answer "D, pretty and petite." They all let out a sigh of relief in unison.

"Squall?"

He sat in his oh so famous 'thinking position' for a minute "A. Voluptuous."

"Yea she is pretty hott, huh Squally-boy."

"Seifer, I am only going to say this once," Squall was barely containing his rage through gritted teeth "If you EVER talk about MY wife like that again, I may have to physically harm you."

"Hey, before she was your wife she was my girlfriend! Don't you remember about that summer we spent together?"

Squall would have probably thrown something at Seifer had there been any detachable objects nearby. For lack of ammo Squall stood up threateningly to shout at Seifer "Listen up buddy! You two never officially did anything! I should kick you a—"

"NOW, NOW BOYS!" The GF jumped in before the author would have to change the rating to PG (yes folks, our society has decayed so much, that that type of language is PG accessible…ok that's all for my public service announcement :P) "Honestly, Squall, Seifer, don't you think Quistis and Rinoa would be very displeased with your bickering?"

"NO!" both boys answered in unison.

"Ok, let me rephrase…don't you think you'd live longer if you just let this little disagreement go?" 

"How do you mean?" Seifer inquired curiously.

"Well I AM one of the most deadly GFs ever!" He boasted.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure we kicked your butt at the research center…" Squall remembered.

Bathamut's eyes flashed and the director came in beside the cue card guy and began waving his arm in a motion as to say 'cut it out, time is money!' so Squall and Seifer sat down.

Bathamut took a moment to compose himself but then continued on as if nothing had happened to interrupt the show "Seifer? A) Voluptuous B) Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?"

"Since I never pass up an opportunity to check out Quistis' body probably B." Seifer decided to keep his answers short and sweet, so as to avoid further confrontation with is rival. (This short answer, of course, did not bar the two from throwing daggers at each other with their eyes.)  
"Alrighty then! Ladies! Come on out!" Selphie came out leading a frighteningly calm Quistis to sit next to her 'husband' and behind them limped Rinoa who was missing a shoe. (The stagehand kindly returned the object, which was thrown at Seifer's head, back to her) After each girl was seated Bathamut continued his job. 

"25 points at stake! Girls, choose your answers wisely!" He turned his attention to the spunky brunette who was first in line. "Selphie, how would your husband describe your cooking? A) Fine cuisine, B) fast-food, C) Burt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait a second…she cooks?"

Holding Irvine's hand lovingly Selphie smiled at Irvine "Just the other night he told me what a wonderful cook I was. Oh Irvy, you're so sweet! He said A." She stared at him confusedly as she noticed him twitching nervously. Selphie clutched onto Irvine's hand much harder. "Oh Irvy-poo…what was your answer?" with each passing second her grip on him grew tighter to the point where the cowboy found himself on his knees in front of his sweet-little-innocent wife squirming in pain.

"I, ummm…A?" he lied. Bathamut (finding the sight very amusing) proceeded to press the 'play' button of the recording and the voice of Irvine filled the room'That would be C!' Irvine glared at Bathamut and the camera panned to Rinoa and Squall who were staring off to the side with jaws wide open.

"OH! I bet you thought that was VERY funny at the time, didn't you!" 

"Awww…Seffie, sweetie, honey, baby, dearest!"

"Don't Seffie baby me! You are SO sleeping on the **FLOOR**! No pillow either!"

"But, but…"

"NO BUTS! You have to learn that not everything can be fixed with a --- ….oh Irvy!"

Squall and Rinoa suddenly snapped their gaze forward away from their friends. Bathamut was staring at the couple (practically drooling) and had to be tapped on the shoulder by one of the stage crewmembers and snapped back to reality. "Oh umm…Rinoa, how would your husband describe your cooking? A) Fine cuisine, B) fast-food, C) Burt-to-a-crisp-in-a-can or D) 'Wait a second…she cooks?"

Rinoa swallowed nervously "A?"

Squall nodded, and the taped answer he gave played. Instead of her normal affectionate reward for a correct answer by Squall she merely patted his hand.

"Moving on, Quistis? Same question."

Not at all fazed by the actions of Selphie and Irvine, she smiled and answered, "I guess he'd say B, fast-food."

Smiling proudly Seifer looked at Quistis and Bathamut played the tape 'I choose A' Quistis (who was beginning to shake off the effects of the tranquilizers she was given backstage) stared at Seifer curiously.

Suddenly there was a loud noise coming from the audience and some muffled shouts. The camera panned over to show three large security guards wrestling to restrain four teenaged boys dressed in Garden's cadets uniform. They seemed to have burst into the studio and were being dragged out.

"Is that camera on us?!" asked one of the boys.

"YES! IT IS!" replied another

"Alright guys now's our chance!" the third shouted

"WE LOVE YOU QUISTIS!" the four Trepies shouted in unison.

"Alright that does it, we told you three times! STAY OUT!" the largest of the security men stated while the four hormonally driven boys were being dragged out.

"Quistis! Marry me!"

"Seifer's no good for you!"

"Yea he's a jerk!"

"SHH! He's right there!"

Quistis tried to hide her face, while Seifer was giving the four Trepies 'evil glare'. Soon the studio was once again void of Trepies and the cameras went back to the contestants on stage.

"Well, that was…interesting." Bathamut commented "Now onto the next question." He walked back over to Selphie and Irvine and let out a sigh and hung his shoulders. Irvine's face had smudges of Selphie's lipstick all over it and Selphie was hugging his arm lovingly, smiling up at him happily. "…they don't pay me enough.." the exasperated GF mumbled under his breath. "Selphie, what would you say is the strangest place that you ever made "whoopee"?" Selphie let out the same type of giggle Irvine had when he had heard the question.

"On the desk in Squall's office!" This time it was Rinoa's turn to be shocked as she glared at Selphie. Her answer was confirmed as being correct and she dove back into Irvine's arms, and Bathamut moved onto Squall and Rinoa quickly (after all this IS a 'G' rated fic!). 

"Well, Rinoa, same question."

"Well...umm…on the desk in squall's office"

"Please speak up?"

"On the desk in Squall's office…" Rinoa blushed furiously and bit her bottom lip. She couldn't decide whether to be relieved or even more embarrassed when she heard the recording of Squall's voice confirm her answer, so she nuzzled her head into the collar of Squall's jacket. Squall seemed to look proud however, and put his arm around Rinoa.

"Quistis, do you need me to repeat the question?"

"Umm…no…let's see now…" Quistis looked at Seifer for some type of clue (I mean how the heck could she know!), but he only responded with a classic smirk. "Squall's desk?"

"That's correct!" Quistis and Seifer chuckled at their little joke, and to the surprise of everyone else in the studio, she didn't freak out when he slipped his arm around her shoulders (perhaps the after effects of the tranquilizers?).

"Final question of round 2: How would your husband describe your body? A) Voluptuous B) Firm C) Saggy or D) pretty and petite?"

Selphie and Irvine were snuggling and Selphie barely managed to say "D" Before returning to her make out session behind Irvine's hat.

"Rinoa? Same question."

"Umm…I'll say that Squall thinks I'm D, pretty and petit!" Squall's answer of 'Voluptuous' played and instead of being disappointed at their wrong answer she covered his face with kisses (Squall managed one of his rare, but cherished smiles).

"Alright Quistis, what do you think you're husband thinks of your body?"

"Well, he sure as (heck) stares at it enough!" Quistis had completely shaken the effects of the drugs she was previously given "So he BETTER have said B." Her answer was confirmed and both 'Almasys' sat with smug expressions on their faces.

Bathamut turned and looked into the camera with that fake 'show host' smile "Alright, at the end of round two, the Kinneas' have a total score of 60, while the Almasys and the Leonharts have a score of 80! But all that can change in Round 3! We'll be right back after these messages for our final round!"

**Author's Note**~ yea, yea, I know I'm only supposed to have one of these per fic, but too bad :P! I need to know if you guys like where this is going. And if you want any special occurrences for the final round (I've already started writing it, but figured you guys might want some input!) Ok, hope you enjoyed this round!


	3. Round 3: The Guantlet of Love

**Disclaimer~** ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters ::sighs:: nor do I own '_The Newlywed Game'_but if either of the two are looking for a writer…J.

**Author's Note**~ Yay! I finally got round 3 up and finished! Sorry it took so long, but my computer was broken *glares at sister*. Anywho, it took me a while to figure out how to end this. So eventually I figured, no matter how I finish the story…someone's not gunna be happy so I hope everyone likes it up until the final winner is announced (and I hope the shippers for the winners like the ending too J)

**The Newlywed Game:**

# FF8 style…

About a billion commercials later…

The camera pans around the studio audience showing a group of uncharacteristically still people with the exception of one blonde spikey-haired teenaged boy who was standing up bouncing around excitedly. He wears a hat that says **'SELPHIE AND IRVINE 4EVA!'** and a big foam finger with **'RINOA AND SQUALL ARE #1!'** written in magic marker. On the front of his shirt was a large picture of Seifer (with that oh so famous smirk of his) with a giant red circle with a slash through it over it. The back of the shirt read **'Up with Quistis! Down with Seifer!'** Unnerved, Bahamut motioned for the security people to 'take care of' the young man. Soon high, girlish yelps were heard from where the audience was as the camera moved to its position, focusing on the contestants.

"Any of you know that kid?" Bahamut questioned earnestly.

"NO!" The six all answered in unison, denying any recognition of the enthusiastic boy.

"GUYS! GUYS, ITS' ME-ZELL! I came to...HEY! GET OFF A ME YA BUNCHA FREAKS! CAN'T YA SEE I'M TALKIN? … I bought all of you guys some souvenirs ….I SAID GET OFF!!" There was a violent scuffling noise followed by repetitive thuds, after which each person on stage flinched. "Oh crap…" The sound of someone running and saying 'excuse me, pardon me' were barely audible, then a door slammed and the screeching of tires was heard in the distance.

"Someone wanna get that guy some ice?" Bahamut then turned back to the contestants "Who'd of thought that kid could fight like that, huh?" Irvine pulled his hat down a little to cover some of his face and 'coughed' (laughed) into his hand. "Alright, round three is a toughie! And to make it even more difficult for you guys, we've added an extra kick!" Expecting to hear excited little remarks from the SeeDs onstage Seifer spoke up instead…

"Now why the hell did ya go and do a thing like that?" the guys in the group seemed to nod in approval while the wives blushed and looked embarrassed at their male counter parts.

"Well…umm…the producer figured that since you were SeeDs that it would be a special treat?" Realizing that he was 'the almighty GF Bahamut', he immediately added "AND! If you want to leave this studio alive, you'll do as I say!" Squall, who doesn't respond well to threats, glared at the winged beast and glanced over at Seifer who was doing the same. Luckily, the fight was avoided by Rinoa and Quistis grabbing onto their arms.

"Ok, for this round, both you and your partners will be able to stay on stage. To gain points in this level its pretty much the same as the first two rounds, answer the question correctly! But here's the twist, in order to win the round, and perhaps game, you have to complete 'The Gauntlet of Love'!"Suddenly there was a large shaking on the stage and the wall separating the studio that they were in from the one next door became, well, no longer in existence. The studio next to the one they were currently in was the old abandon studio used to host Balamb Gladiators the show. The jaws of everyone witnessing The NewlyWed Game, including the contestant's, all dropped. Set up inside of the 'Gladiator' room was a large obstacle course (complete with large spikey objects) and there were three set up starting points.

"That's right contestants! You will have to run 'The Gauntlet of Love' and reach your lovely wives who will be waiting for you anxiously at the other end!"

"What the #$^&^ does this have to do with how well we know our wives?!" Squall was less than pleased with the plans for this round.

"Thank you for asking Mr. Leonheart!" Bahamut sneered "You see, the 'NewlyWed' twist to this round is that before you can enter the death trap-err…gauntlet, you take a preliminary test. Your wives answer three questions and then you, the husbands, answer them in the same manner~"

"Yea, kinda like EVERY OTHER ROUND!!!" Irvine screamed. (He was a little upset by the idea of having to be separated from Selphie…not to mention being exposed to the risk of answering a question wrong and ticking her off again…)

"If you would let me finish cowbo- Mr. Kinneas, I was just about to say that depending on how many answers you reply to correctly reflects the difficulty of your path to your wife! The more answers you get correct, the easier your path! It's that simple!" Squall let out a scoffing sigh and folded his arms across his chest.

"Wait just a second!" Quistis stood up with her hands on her hips "We agreed to play The NewlyWed Game! Not Balambican Gladiators!"

"Well," the GF laughed "It appears as though someone didn't read all the small print on the whole contract before signing!"

Quistis' eyes flashed with anger "Exactly what did the small print say?"

"Oh just the usual, 'we will not be responsible for any lost possessions, if we indirectly cause a divorce you can't sue, if the producer so chooses you will be thrown into a dangerous maze in order to win the game, if you do not make it to your partner he or she will become property of the studio, if-'"

"WHAT?!" Squall bellowed

"Well, if you asked for a briefing on the agreement I'm sure they would have at least hinted to it…"

"Selphie said that we didn't have to read it!" Seifer added. Quistis, Seifer, Squall, Rinoa, and even Irvine all glared at Selphie accusingly.

"COME ON!" She retorted while curling up in a little ball (for safety sake) "I DIDN'T WRITE THE STUPID THING!" Realizing their oversight the SeeDs turned their hateful stares toward Bahamut and the producer.

"Well, you signed it and now your souls are mine! Bwaa ha ha ha ha ha!" Bahamut laughed demonically (mothers in the audience felt compelled to cover the ears of their young children!) Soon the GF realized what he had just said and immediately halted his evil laughter and straightened his sports jacket "Umm…sorry about that…" He muttered "Now! Let's get on with the show shall we?" Pretty frightened by the sounds the GF had emitted the SeeDs politely sat down without further protest. "Wives, write down your answers on the cue cards, and husbands, NO PEEKING!" Rinoa Selphie and Quistis picked up their materials and gave weary looks to their male counterparts. "First question; If you could change one thing about your wife's body what would it be?" There was a moment of silence and nervous scribbling (not to mention subtle attempts by both Irvine and Seifer to try to see what their 'wives' were writing. "Ok, time's up…Irvine, what did you're wife answer?"

"How am I supposed to know? You wouldn't even let me glance at what she was writing!" Irvine folded his arms across his chest in a glowering manner. Selphie nudged him with her elbow and he let out an exasperated sigh "Umm…I would change her…" After shortly glancing over his brightly smiling wife he grinned and answered "her hair!" *THWAP* before anyone knew what had happened Selphie was sitting crossly and the cue card was on the floor with an Irvine-head sized dent in it, and to confirm suspicions the cowboy was nursing a newly formed bruise on the top of his noggin. 

Bahamut (who never ceases to be amused by Selphie and Irvine's antics) moved down the line to Squall and Rinoa "Ok, what would you change about your lovely wife Mr. Leonheart?"

"Her damn dog…stupid animal thinks my gunblades a (*&% chew-toy!" Squall muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing…"

Rinoa squealed and flipped over her cue card "That's correct!" the GF announced. Rinoa bombarded him with kisses and Squall realized that his 'cover' for his first statement actually matched Rinoa's answer to the question.

"Now Mr. Almasy, what's your answer?"

"Her over-bearing attitude! She's too uptight!"

Quistis clenched her teeth and flipped over her card which read 'My glasses' "What do you mean over-bearing?! I'll show you over-bearing!" Out of anger and the sheer frustration of the whole show ordeal Quistis pounced on Seifer (and as a trained Seed she was going for the jugular!) 

"HEY-WHAT THE! Geeze! I never thought I'd say this but-GET OFF!" Seifer finally wrestled the extremely frazzled instructor off of him. "See what I have to deal with Bahamut?"

"You cocky S.O.B!" Quistis retaliated "If I had any gray hairs I'd blame you for them!"

"…what do you mean IF…" Seifer mumbled under his breath. Now Bahamut was beginning to wonder if it was Seifer who had a death wish.

"Oh no you don't! You actually think you're gunna get away with that? Your ass is MINE Almasy!" (and so ended the author's 'G' rating of the fic…)

"Well I thought we already established that by appearing on the NewlyWed show! But I would say it the other way around!" Quistis and Seifer continued to fight like, well, and old married couple, while Bahamut managed to back up and lean over to whisper to the other two couples "How long have they been married?"

Squall chuckled "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." 

Although the shows rating were up since the Jerry Springer twist was added to the show with Quistis and Seifer's fighting, the director finally made Bahamut break the two up. Well…that didn't really work (Seifer and Quistis didn't even acknowledge his presence) so two security guys with needles snuck up behind the couple and injected them with a clear formula. Quistis and Seifer were startled by the shots and were finally convinced to sit down. 

When Bahamut was sure that the risk of team Almasy getting into a physically brawl was out of the question he continued on with round 3 "Question 2; How would your wife rate your love life from 1-10?" Once again there was hurried scribbling (and failed attempts at peeking) and Bahamut approached Irvine "Alright, what's you answer?"

Irvine smiled cockily "Ten!"

Selphie smiled mischievously and flipped over her sign, facing it toward the camera '**7**' Instead of turning red from embarrassment he turned pale white and looked like he was going to pass out from shock.

Seifer of course could not let an opportunity like this pass by and had to comment "Heh heh, so the self proclaimed ladies man and sharpshooter has a little trouble handling his gun in the dark, huh?" Despite their best efforts Quistis, Rinoa and Squall had to laugh at the comment. Selphie, being the happy go lucky person she is, felt terrible about putting her husband up to face that kind of ridicule so she tried to make things better.

"It's not that!" She shouted "If anything ever goes wrong, it's only 'cuz he's under a lot of stress lately!" Irvine simply couldn't take it anymore and just passed out cold from the shock that the discussion was actually taking place. Selphie immediately crouched down to help him and Bahamut (who didn't appear to care about poor Irvy) just walked down the line to Squall.

"So, how would Rinoa rate your love life?"

Squall silently prayed to Hyne that he wouldn't get embarrassed on television "Ten?"

"ELEVEN!" Rinoa shouted and cuddled up against Squall in a suffocating hug.

"Umm…since we said out of 1-10 I guess that an eleven counts the same as a ten, so correct!" Instead of trying to figure out how to pry Rinoa off of his neck before his oxygen supply ran too low like he usually did in such situations, Squall smiled and relished in his newly affirmed 'manliness'."Seifer, looks like your next! By the way how's that sedative working for ya?" Bahamut questioned.

"I don't know. I don't feel tired or anything." Suddenly both Quistis and Seifer's eyes widened for a second and the two looked at each other (and not in the same 'blood-thirsty' way they were earlier) "Actually," Seifer continued "now that you mention it I do feel a little different. I'm kind of …hot…" All the while he was speaking Seifer never looked away from Quistis.

"You bet you are!" She replied to the surprise of everyone in the studio, and to their even greater surprise the two threw themselves into each other's arms and began to kiss passionately. Bahamut looked around for an answer to this phenomenon. The two security guys who 'injected' the Almasys slapped their foreheads and realized that they had accidentally given the two a strong aphrodisiac instead of the sedative like they were supposed to. 

Bahamut cleared his throat politely to try to get their attention, and when that didn't work he forced the two apart. "Answers?" He demanded. 

"9" Seifer replied.

Quistis showed her cue card which read '5' but quickly added "But its much MUCH higher now!" And the two went back to making out (Squall and Rinoa didn't know how to respond to the situation so they simply pretended like it wasn't happening).

"Third and final question of the game…wait a sec…has Mr. Kinneas come to yet?" Selphie smiled and nodded 'yes' as Irvine slowly sat up and shook his head of the dizziness he felt. "Ok then, the question is; What word best describes your husband's personality? a) knightb) lone-wolf c) cowboy or d) lapdog?" For the final time on the show answers were scribbled down and the GF made his way over to where Irvine was quickly recovering from his faint. "Do I even need to ask?"

"C) Cowboy! Born and raised!" Selphie confirmed his answer and (feeling their reputation as the most public displayers of affection being challenged by the Almasys) the two began to kiss passionately.

"Squall?"

"Squall, why don't we ever do that?" Rinoa whined.

Squall put his head in his hand and monotonously stated "B". Rinoa confirmed and continued to stare at her husband waiting for an answer. Giving in, Squall leaned over and whispered something into her ear, from the look on Rinoa's face the answer was satisfying.

"Alright, Seifer, what did Quistis say?"

"A) Knight!"

Quistis threw her card at Bahamut and triumphantly shouted, "Get over her lapdog!" And before anyone could say 'what the-' the two were once again making out. 

"Umm…ok let's see how we are heading into 'The Gauntlet of Love'. OH! I should tell you, the first two rounds don't really matter because 100 points will be awarded to the winner of this next challenge, so basically who ever wins this will win the game and the dream vacation to the wonderful vacation spot of BALAMB!"

"WHAT?!" Selphie, Irvine, Squall, Rinoa, Quistis, and Seifer all screamed simultaneously.

"You do realize that we ARE in Balamb?" Squall demanded. Bahamut nodded "Then why the (heck) should we even continue with this insane game?! Give me one good reason!"

"Well, you can quit if you want to … but your wives will become property of our studio." Squall muttered something that rhymed with 'brass hole' and went back to not talking.

"Anyways," The GF continued "girls, please follow the green line and stand on your appointed numbers at the exists of the maze, Selphie you're 1, Rinoa you're 2, and Quistis…Quistis! Will you get off of him for just a second and listen to me? Geeze, how much of that stuff did you guys give them?! They're acting like rabbits! Quistis you're number 3 now all you ladies, head down to your positions." All three girls were very upset (Quistis was more pissed than upset though) but they still trudged over to their positions and began praying for the damn show to be over (well, mostly they were praying that they wouldn't become a permanent addition to the show).

"Alright, Mr. Kinneas you answered 1 of the 3 questions correctly, so you will have the second to hardest course…please head over to your starting position at entrance 1. Mr. Leonheart, you answered all of the questions correctly so you'll be running the easiest course." Squall stood up with a smug look on his face and headed over to start point 2. "And Mr. Almasy, you didn't answer ANY of the three questions correctly so you'll be running the hardest version of the gauntlet, so head over to start point 3." Seifer began to comply and walked over to the only remaining entrance, mumbling prophanities under his breath the whole way over. When he reached his spot he point to the GF and used a form of, sign language shall we say, to inform Bahamut of his feelings toward his position in the show. (Hey, just cuz he's loaded with a powerful aphrodisiac doesn't mean he's not going to act like himself.) 

"Alright folks out there in the studio audience, we're going to take a vote!" Seifer, Squall, and Irvine looked at each other curiously "Now! Do you really want to see the Commander of the great SeeD run the EASIEST course?"

"NO!" The audience shouted. Squall threw his hands out to the side in protest.

"What course do you want to see him run?"

"THE HARDEST!" This really got to Squall.

"What the (adjective)?!"

"Hahaha!" Seifer pointed and laughed "That's what you get for showing off puberty boy!"

"Normally I'd go over there and kick your (butt) Seifer! But apparently I'm going to need all of my energy to save Rinoa from becoming property of The NewlyWed Game!" Squall was throwing daggers with his eyes toward the audience, feeling very singled out.

"Now, now audience!" Bahamut continued with his reign of terror over the SeeDs' lives "We want to be fair don't we? Should ALL the contestants run the hardest course?"

"YES!!"

"Umm…excuse me there Bahamut." Irvine spoke up "But…DID ANY OF THE QUESTION ANSWERING PARTS OF THIS SHOW HAVE ANY RELIVANCE!"

"Well, no not really."

"Then why the heck did we have to do that?" Squall shouted in support.

"Hey! You have to admit, it was very amusing to watch how your wives reacted to your answers, especially you Mr. Kinneas!"

"Heh, he does have a point!" Seifer laughed.

"SHUT UP!" Squall and Irvine screamed in unison.

"ARG! I'll kill that winged moron!!" Annoyed shouting was heard from the other side of the obstacle course "I'm a sorceress you freak! I can obliterate this whole (stinking) building if you piss me off enough!"

"Umm…Rinoa…where did you get that bracelet?" A voice which sounded like Selphie asked.

"They gave it to me at the door. Why?"

"It looks like an Odine Bangle." Quistis added.

**"What! Get it off!!"** There were loud crashing sounds, a few shrieks and grunts of aggravation. Squall was shaking his head with his hand on his forehead, Irvine was trying to hide his face with his hat, and Seifer was standing on his tiptoes trying to see what was happening.

"Ahem!" Bahamut cleared his throat to regain everyone's attention. "As soon as I press this button your obstacles will appear and you will be able to begin when you hear the buzz…get ready!" The GF hit the button (and began his manic laughter again). There was a great shake in the foundation and up through the ground in front of each of the boys shot up a long course full of jagged walls, a pit of boiling hot oil with only a thin board to use to walk over it, many razor sharp swinging axes hung down from the ceiling, there were large machines (which were probably used for crushing large boulders) that were pounding the ground right in the path, and several sharp pointy objects were darting in and out of the walls guiding the way to their wives. Everyone's jaws hit the floor at the sight of this. 

**BUZZZ!**

Squall, Seifer, Irvine flinched at the sound of the noise and ran full force into the death trap—err 'The Gauntlet of Love'. 

Several cuts bruises and scrapes later…

Squall was leading the pack with Seifer close behind, but Irvine was still at the start point while Selphie was crying her eyes out at the finish line and Rinoa trying to comfort her (while still attempting to pull off the bangle). Suddenly Irvine cursed and walked out of the view of the camera.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Shouted one of the security guards off stage "ARE YOU NUTS! AHHHH!!" Irvine soon returned back on camera only this time he was holding his favorite gun Exeter. (This made pretty much everyone in a 10 mile radius nervous). Even Squall (who was currently making his way through the swinging axes) and Seifer (who just made his way across the hot oil) turn to look at Irvine. Without any warning the cowboy loaded his gun with pulse ammo, took aim, and shot a giant hole through the first wall. He smiled contently and stepped right through the newly formed door. He continued to 'reconstruct' the course through the next 3 walls, and then he came upon the 'hall of daggers' (it basically consisted of spears, knives, and yes, daggers being thrust in and out of the walls in an attempt to dismember the contestants. Irvine looked put off for a second but soon his famous smile graced his face and he shot at the circuit box which immediately put a stop to all of the movement in the walls. Squall wasn't sure to be glad that Irvine was making fast progress toward his wife, or really upset that he had to do it the hard way while the cowboy was just blasting his way through it. Seifer shared his opinion.

"QUISTIS!" Seifer shouted, "I must get to you! Do something!" 

"Oh Seifer!" The very lustful instructor shouted back, "I miss you, I want you, I NEED you!"She ran off stage and soon the weapon guarding security guard had another black eye and the beautiful blonde SeeD ran back to her mark carrying her whip, Seifer and Squall's gunblades, Selphie's nunchuku, and Rinoa's blaster edge. The girls were soon armed (and extremely dangerous). All the boys were neck and neck in the race to the finish. Rinoa decided to take matters into her own hands however and marched away from her spot over to Bahamut and the director.

"Hello boys." She greeted them threateningly. "Do you have ANY idea how hard it was to get Squall to open up to me?" She was aiming her weapon directly at the director's throat "And the WEDDING! My HYNE! Do you have any clue how long I waited for that?!" She was really loosing her self-control, Rinoa turned her aim at the GF. "Give me…the (adjective)ing little BUTTON!" Not wanting to further agitate Rinoa (whose eyes were flashing gold) Bahamut quickly forfeited the controller over to her. "Thank you!" She replied sweetly and jogged back over to her position at exit 2. 

When she got back there Irvine was having a little trouble trying to figure out how to blast his way over a large pit full of snakes, and Selphie was trying to restrain the hormonally driven Quistis who was trying to throw herself into the death trap (hey, forget calling it 'The Gauntlet of Love' we all know what it really is!). 

"Squally!" Rinoa cried triumphantly "I've got it, I've got it!"

"PUSH IT DAMN YOU!" Selphie cried "I can't hold on to her much longer!" 

Rinoa pushed the 'off' button and all of the obstacles collapsed back to their underground lodgings. Squall fell flat on his stomach since he had been on top of one of the many walls in the maze when Rinoa pushed the button, Irvine was stuck clinging for his life on the rope which was supposed to be used for him to swing over the snake pit, and Seifer was on his backside after the wall he was holding onto for balance disappeared. The course soon became a foot race to the finish line! 

Squall was running full speed toward Rinoa and Irvine finally managed to jump down off the rope. Just as Squall was about to cross the finish line into the open arms of Rinoa, Seifer flew right past him and tackled Quistis to the ground in a fit of passion (ok, who would your money be on- the perfectly decent commander, or the lust driven rebel?) Irvine finished last but was rewarded greatly by Selphie who called him a 'crazy genius'. 

Bahamut stepped in front of the camera again "And that's our show for today folks! The Almasys pulled off a last second win!" Paranoid the GF shifted his eyes looking out for a vengeful wife (mostly the one with sorceress powers of mass destruction). "Umm…join us next week, when we'll be hosting the show in sunny Trabia! Bubye!" He immediately ran off stage and the camera once again focused on the SeeDs while the credits began to roll. Seifer and Quistis…well, they needed someone to spray them with a hose full of cold water, Squall and Rinoa were wrapped up in each others arms happily kissing, and Irvine and Selphie…well, they were about the same as Quistis and Seifer.

The End!

What will happen when the Trepies finally manage to break back into the studio? Will Quistis kill Seifer when the aphrodisiac wears off and she sees the tape of the show? Will someone please separate Irvine and Selphie?! Will I ever stop asking these stupid questions?

*******************************************************************************************************************************

**AUTHOR'S NOTE~** Ok, and so ends my first ever Humor fic! How'd I do? I hope you guys liked it and I hope not too many of you will yell at me for how it ended, I tried to make as creative (?) as possible! Well, guys tell me if I did ok on comedy or if I should just stick to drama and stuff like that!


	4. The End

**Disclaimer~** ok, here we go again…I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters ::sighs::wish I did but I don't!

**Author's Note**~ Ok I wasn't gunna write another chapter, but I really set myself up for it by writing those questions at the end of round 3, huh? Ok I hope you guys like the conclusion! J

**The Newlywed Game:**

# FF8 style…The conclusion.

## About 2 days after the final round of The NewlyWed Game…

Quistis woke up slowly with a throbbing headache. She walked over to the door to her dorm room but when she tried to open it, it was stuck. Quistis banged on the door trying to open it for a few minutes, but to no avail.

"NO WAY!" Shouted a tired voice from the other side of the door. "We are NOT letting you out!"

"What the-What's going on!" A very confused and annoyed Quistis shouted back.

"We know what you wanna do missy!" Selphie retorted "And if we let you out you'll go to your little love bunny and when you snap out of whatever it is they drugged you with you'll KILL us for letting you go!"

"SELPHIE!" Quistis yelled, "What are you talking about! I have to go to the bathroom and I need some Advil!" 

Selphie was a little confused so she nudged the sleeping Rinoa next to her to get her in put. 

"OoOOooO! I was sleeping!" Rinoa whined groggily.

"SHHH!" Selphie, ummm, 'shhh'ed her.

"What? What's going on?"

"She hasn't mentioned HIM yet."

"Really? She hasn't cried for her 'honey bunny lovey-kins?"

"Nope."

"How bout 'sweety-poo kissy baby'?"

"No! Not even her 'Seify weify' OR her 'gunblade wielding love god!'"

"Are you sure she didn't fall down and bump her head?"

"She DID ask for Advil…"

"Quistis?" Rinoa called tentatively. "Are you ok? Did you bump you head in your struggle for your 'Cootiey oootie manly man'?"

"Cootie oootie? What in (the world) are you talking about?!" Quistis was not much amused that the same people who forced her to go on that stupid game show were holding her hostage in her dorm. Then it occurred to her. "Rinoa…does this have anything to do with what happened on _The NewlyWed Game?_"

"Well we couldn't let you have at him so we thought it safer if we locked you in your room. The guys are guarding him so he can't get here either."

"Him? Who are you talking about? That stupid show host?" Quistis had absolutely no idea what they were talking about.

Rinoa had to cover her mouth to stifle her giggles so Selphie decided to step in "Quistis? What do you remember about the game show and the past day and a half?"

"You made me go to the studio, Seifer put his arm around me and made some really vulgar answers, I attacked him and then one of the backstage staff members stuck a needle in my arm. I don't really remember much else…I think the Trepies came in at one point but that could've just been a nightmare I was having."

Now it was Selphie's turn to bury her face in her pillow and laugh. Composing herself a little Rinoa began to question their poor oblivious friend "Do you remember anything else at all? Anything about Seifer?"

"No…did he carry me into my room or something?"

"Well…yes…" Rinoa couldn't contain her laughter.

"What's so funny? Let me out of here!"

Not seeing any threat of her dashing off to see Seifer, Selphie and Rinoa decided to let her out of her room. Quistis stepped out and looked at her two friends suspiciously. Quistis perfect hair was tangled and sticking out in every direction, her clothes were a mess and she was missing her arm-sleeves. While Quistis marched off to the bathroom and infirmary, Rinoa and Selphie began cleaning up the little campsite they had set up in front of her door.

### Over at Seifer's dorm room…

"LET ME OUT OF HERE, PUBERTY BOY!" Seifer screamed threateningly "SHE WANTS ME, DAMN YOU!"

Squall looked over at Irvine desperately as both men leaned against the door with their backs "When is this stupid drug going to wear off?!"

"I talked to the guy who drugged 'em and it should've worn off by now!"

"I'M GIVIN' YOU JOKERS 3 SECONDS TO OPEN THIS DOOR!" Seifer was beginning to sound more and more desperate.

Squall stepped away from the door and started to pace in circles in the hall with his hand on his forehead. "I can't believe he's kept this up for 48 hours!" Suddenly the banging on the door stopped and Seifer's shouts were silent. Irvine backed away from the door to stand next to Squall.

"Do you suppose he rammed his head into the door too hard and knocked himself out?" Squall tried not to laugh, but still had to smile at Irvine's remark.

"Nah…we aren't that lucky." Squall replied. As if on cue, Seifer's gunblade came ramming through the door.

"Can you for ONCE in your life be WRONG, Squall?!" Irvine cried, extremely frightened by the weapon hanging out the door (well, he was more scared of the maniac who was wielding it). 

Squall instantly drew his gunblade and stood clear of the door. "Seifer, are you INSANE!"

"MAYBE!!" he shouted back as he continued to hack through the wood door. "I'm crazy for my Quisty!"

Irvine shook his head "Are you sure she's still under the influence of the aphrodisiac?"

"What aphrodisiac?" Seifer questioned as he continued to cut his way to freedom.

"The one you two were given at the game show?" 

"Oh that? That wore off hours ago! What does that have to do with anything?"

Squall stood with his jaw dropped, and Irvine had a mischievous grin on his face. "So." Squall began "That drug you two were given wore off hours ago?"

"Yes…"

"So both of you are back to normal…well, Quistis should be normal anyway, right?"

"What are you getting at?" Seifer now had his head sticking out of the hole he made in the door and was staring at his rival.

"Back away from the door Seifer." Squall went over to the door and unlocked it. 

"WOO HOO!" Seifer shouted gaily as he skipped out of the room and headed for Quistis' dorm. Irvine looked at Squall with wide eyes.

"What in the name of Hyne did you go and do that for?!"

"Think about it, Irvine, Quistis hates Seifer with a passion…consequently Seifer loves her with one. He put some serious moves on her, and if I know Selphie and Rinoa they're showing her the tape of the show. So, I _could_ fight Seifer and beat him, but wouldn't it be much more fun to watch Quistis do it for us?"

"I like the way you think commander!" Irvine slapped Squall on the back and the two husbands took the short cut to Quistis' dorm.

_Back to the girls…_****

** **

Selphie and Rinoa did in fact charge up the VCR and pop in the video of the show. Quistis had a bag of ice resting on her head as she sprawled out on the bed in her room.

"Ok! I fixed it!" Rinoa cried triumphantly as she swung a screwdriver in the air victoriously "And Squall said it couldn't be done."

Quistis Sat up attentively and made sure she had a good view of the TV (while Rinoa was fixing the VCR, Selphie began to fill Quistis in on the fact that Seifer and her were involved in some 'risqué' incidents). Soon the intro music to _The NewlyWed Game_ filled the room and the girls began to munch on popcorn.

After finishing up watching round 2, Quistis was in a steadily growing rage (lucky for her two friends which were sitting dangerously close to her, it was directed at Seifer). 

"And I thought the Trepie fiasco was a NIGHTMARE!" Quistis fumed. "At least the worst much be over!" Selphie and Rinoa giggled. Rinoa decided that that set up was too good to pass up, and so she fast-forwarded through the last set of commercials. Quistis' eyes grew wide with each passing minute, and they were filling up with anger and blood lust. Squall and Irvine arrived just as the 'Gauntlet of Love' was starting. Both shivered with disgust upon seeing themselves running like rats in the maze. Soon, the men saw the look in Quistis' eyes (it's the kind of look that could make a grown man cry like a baby) and they decided it would be safer to wait until the show was finished to tell her that Seifer was coming.

As the credits rolled Quistis slowly stood up and glared at the television "So, I won." 

"Um…yes?" Selphie replied confusedly. 

"Where's my 'husband'?"

Squall tentatively stepped forward "Actually-"

Seifer, who seems to have the 'best' timing ever, walked into the room and cut off Squall "Quistis, kitten! You lovers here!"

Quistis smiled sweetly and wasted no time in greeting Seifer. She punched him hard and fast right on his puckered lips. Squall caught the reeling Seifer, patted him twice on the head and shoved him back into Quistis. Irvine managed to inch over to Selphie (who wasn't sure whether to be amused or fearing for her life). Squall walked past Quistis and Seifer as the angry instructor gripped tightly onto his coat collar and slammed him into the wall.

"Oh yea, this is much better." Squall stated proudly to Irvine, he nodded affirmatively in response. The four SeeDs had their eyes fixed on the sight of Quistis kicking Seifer's butt while he tried to convince her (and himself) that she really loved him and her anger was just PMS. Squall spotted the full bowl of popcorn on the floor and picked it up. It was like watching a movie. Irvine, Selphie, Squall, and Rinoa all snacked on popcorn, and their gaze was set upon the 'fight scene' in front of them.

"Oh Seifer, WHEN will you learn?" Quistis questioned as she bounced his head against the wall.

"AHH! That's gunna leave a mark…" Seifer retorted. Quistis let go of Seifer and turned her back to him and went rummaging through her nightstand drawer. Seifer took this opportunity to straighten out his clothes. "What are you looking for?" He asked in a shaky voice.

"Oh nothing." Quistis answered with frightening cheerfulness. *Snap* The sound of Quistis' whip cracked the air as she spun around with a devilish grin on her lips.

"Yipes!" Seifer squeaked as he ran out of the room in a hurry.

"Oh you can run, Almasy, but you can't hide!" Quistis shouted as she ran out after him. The sound of two pairs of footsteps resounded down the hall. "Maybe I should call the TREPIES in for help, huh?" the distant voice of Quistis threatened.

"Two steps ahead of ya…" Selphie mumbled as she began to dial a number on Quistis' dorm room phone. "Wait a sec! Squall, you're commander right?" She was answered with a 'duh' look from the commander "So you have the keys to the 3rd floor right?" once again, she was answered with a 'duh' look. "Come on!" Selphie chirped as she jogged out of the room, the three SeeDs followed suit. 

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" Quistis sang as she trudged slowly through the training center "I know you're in here!"

Seifer whimpered quietly as hid behind a fallen log "…it's a dream…it's only a dream…come on Seifer, wake up!…" he chanted to himself. Suddenly the 'bing' of the intercom broke the air and all the students and faculty waited for the unexpected announcement.

_"__Is it on now?…"_ Selphie's voice whispered to someone in the room (she was, once more, answered with a 'duh' look). "_Hello everyone! I am especially addressing the Trepies, Quistis admirers, and the Against-Almasy Association…__what?…yes I know that's mostly Trepies now…just let me do my announcement!_ _Anyway, I'm sure most of you witnessed the accursed NewlyWed Game we were brutally FORCED to participate in. Now, our beloved instructor Ms. Quistis Trepe, who IS NOT MARRIED, is currently seeking revenge on Mr. Almasy. I'm sure your help would mean a great deal to Quistis…According to recent tip, they should both be in the training center now! Ok, have fun! BUBYE!"_ the intercom 'binged' off and Seifer slapped his forehead.

"Ouch!" he grumbled "I am SO going to kill those morons!" The sound of a stampede of feet soon interrupted his thoughts and he bolted to the door of the sector in the hope he might be able to escape…he was wrong.

The next few…hours…are a bit too violent to share with you right now so I'll leave it to your imaginations to figure out what happened.

_6 or 7 hours later…_

A very happy looking Quistis walked beside Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, and Selphie down to the elevator.

"Do you think we went just a little over board with this Seifer thing?"

"NO!" Quistis and Squall replied in unison. Upon reaching the 1st floor they had to weave their way through a throng of people, who were for the most part were wielding cameras. The five SeeDs hoped in their rented car and headed over to Balamb Restaurant to celebrate the achievements of the day.

Back at the throng of people the shouts of one man in particular were loud and clear. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY! YA HEAR ME?! NOT FUNNY AT ALL! LET ME DOWN YOU BUNCH OF GAWKING FREAKS!" Seifer was suspended from the large SeeD symbol in the front hall of Garden. As if that wasn't enough, he was wearing a bright Barbie pink tutu with the words 'I am a Chicken-wuss' painted onto it, this idea was suggest by the founder and president of the Against-Almasy Association.

Eventually Raijin and Fuijin beat off the crowd and got the leader of their posse down. Quistis and Seifer supposedly made amends a few days later and were often spotted heading off to the training center late at night. When Seifer went to run for president of Galbadia 8 years later, some 'interesting' photos surfaced and he was forced to drop out of the race in order to preserve good PR. Zell won the election. 

And tha my friends is the actual end of this strange and twisted story!

**My Explanation and Apology~ ****It's late, I'm tired, it seemed funny at the time! Lol! Sorry ****J******


End file.
